The Phone Call
by Season
Summary: I dunno what category to put this in or how to describe it, just please read and review.


CALL TO DOMINOES:  
  
Bob: My call to Dominoes Pizza. Take 1, and .... ACTION!  
  
Girl: Hello, Dominoes pizza?  
  
Bob is disoriented.  
  
Girl: ..Hello?  
  
Bob: ::presses random numbers::  
  
Girl: Huh?  
  
Bob: STOP DOING THAT!! THAT GETS ANNOYING.  
  
Girl: Thats not me.  
  
Bob: ::strums a guitar:: Did you know that Reba McIntire only has 3 toes on her left foot?  
  
Girl: Sir?  
  
Bob: Do you accept Birthday Card?  
  
Girl: No, sir, we take American -  
  
Bob: Let me see a menu.  
  
Giirl: Sir, I can't ...  
  
Bob: I want a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.  
  
Girl: This isn't a burger place!  
  
Bob: Fine. I want a slice of pizza.  
  
Girl: We don't give just slices.  
  
Bob: I want two topping on that slice... wait, they'll start fighting.  
  
Girl: Sir, if you order just a piece I assure it will cost alot.  
  
Bob: A rival pizza place is on the other line! I'm going with the lowest bidder here!  
  
Girl: Do you want pizza or not?  
  
Bob: What do you think?  
  
Girl: Is this a prank?  
  
Bob: Are you suspicious of me?  
  
Girl: Why should I be?  
  
Bob: Has the mafia contacted you?  
  
Girl: Were they supposed to?  
  
Bob: I WANT PIZZA.  
  
Girl: What kind of pizza?  
  
Bob: Pizza. 1 of them.  
  
Girl: Sir, you are being so vague its -  
  
Bob: Cut the crap about pizza. Do you have anything outlandisly sinful? ::husky breathy voice:: Preferably something robust free-spirited and cost efficient ukranian duce like..  
  
Girl: Sir! I'm -  
  
Bob: What are you wearing?  
  
Girl: I'm not going to -  
  
Bob: Hold on, I have to put you on hold.  
  
Girl: Sir?  
  
Girl: Sir!!?  
  
Girl: What nerve, he -  
  
Bob: OK, back. can you put the crust on top this time?  
  
Girl: Sir, you haven't even ordered yet!  
  
Bob: All around the world pizzas cookin' for me, who knows how long I've waited.. everyone I knows just made for of me cause I'm fat as a hog.. put your pizza on a pan baby put your pizza on a pan baby.. I ... just wanna eat..  
  
Girl: Sir, what toppings do you want?  
  
Bob: I would like some C H E E S E.. and some..  
  
Girl: sir, is this a prank?!  
  
Bob's tv is up really loud with cars screeching all around  
  
Bob: OWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!  
  
Girl: Sir! Are you ok?!  
  
Bob in weird voice: Craaaazzyyy bread... I want p..p..p..p..p..pizza...  
  
Girl: What?  
  
Bob cracks his knuckles into the reciever.  
  
Girl: would you like drinks with that?  
  
Bob: Oh my god.. oh my god.. oh, no, oh, no, ohhh no! AHH!  
  
Girl: Sir, are you ok?  
  
Bob: I'm so depressed... can you cheer me up?  
  
Girl: Sir, I have other customers waiting..  
  
Bob: I want sushi on it, and caviar, and some -  
  
Girl: Dude, this is a PIZZA place.  
  
Bob in deep chinese accent: You no have sushi? You bad girl.  
  
Girl: huh?  
  
Bob: Only fool fight man with brisk!  
  
Girl: SIR!  
  
Bob in french accent: You serve horse dung, no?  
  
Girl: No, sir, we don't, but -  
  
Bob in pig latin: Rap-cay  
  
Girl: I don't have time for -  
  
Bob like Mario: Ia wanta pizza!  
  
Girl: Just order and get it over with.  
  
Bob: I would like 53 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation I am about to dictate. Need paper?  
  
Girl: No, sir.  
  
Bob: Hey! I know you.. Bed-Wetter camp, right? Or was it Nose-pickers day care..?  
  
Girl: Neither, sir! ::exasperated::  
  
Bob: I'd like.. a large pizza with cheese.  
  
Girl: FINALLY, SIR!  
  
Bob slaps himself: No, no, I'd like one regular pizza with cheese.  
  
Girl: OK, one regular pizza with cheese.  
  
Bob: That will be 10.99. Come pick it up in about 20 minutes.  
  
Girl: Sir, It's not -  
  
Bob: Again, with a little more OOMPH this time  
  
Girl: One regular pizza with cheese.  
  
Bob: Can I rent it?  
  
Girl: We do not rent pizzas here.  
  
Bob is saying stuff, but his electric knife sharpener is on and he cannot be heard.  
  
Girl: SIRR!!!!!!!!  
  
Bob stops it: Can I keep the pizza box?  
  
Girl: yes, sir..  
  
Bob breathes a sigh of relief.  
  
Girl: Make up your mind.  
  
Bob: I would like one PepperonI pizza  
  
Girl: We don't -  
  
Bob: Shaken, not stirred.  
  
Girl: Are you sick?  
  
Bob: Are you sure this is Dominoes?  
  
Girl: Yes.  
  
Bob: Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do, missy!  
  
Girl offeres proof its dominoes.  
  
Bob cries: Do you know what its like to be lied to?!  
  
Bob moves the mouthpiece farther and farther away from his lips.  
  
Girl is scared now.  
  
Bob: Are you sure my pizzas dead?  
  
Girl: Positive.  
  
Bob imitates her voice: Positive.  
  
Girl gets annoyed: Sir, this is ill-  
  
Bob: Yeah, I'd like to a pizza. You pepporoni?  
  
Girl: Huh?  
  
Bob: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHATS AT STAKE WITH THIS PIZZA?!  
  
Girl: Sir, I..  
  
Bob: What goes goes with old chardonay?  
  
Bob belches into the mouthpiece.  
  
Bob: BUSTER! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED! BAD DOG!  
  
Girl: Umm...  
  
Bob dozes off.  
  
Girl: Sir?  
  
Girl: SIR?!?!?!?!?!!?  
  
Bob: AHH! WHO ARE YOU?! WHERE AM I!?  
  
Girl: Your ordering a pizza. At least, trying to.  
  
Bob: Oh. What's your phone number.  
  
Girl: 282-2085  
  
Bob hangs up.  
  
Bob calls again.  
  
Bob: My call to Dominoes Pizza. Take 2, and .... ACTION! 05 - 12 - 99: This may be my last entry.  
  
Bob: Do you have a problem?  
  
Girl: Huh?  
  
Bob: You should get that checked  
  
Girl: WHAT?  
  
Bob: Tell the manager his supervisors fired.  
  
Girl: Maybe you should order 1 pepporoni pizza?  
  
Bob: I WILL NOT BE SWAYED BY YOUR SWEET WORDS!!!! Hey, should I trim those nose hairs...  
  
Girl: Sir.  
  
Bob tries to talk while drinking something: pollkasjdkladoiqweu  
  
Girl: Sir?  
  
Bob: Is the pizza organically grown?  
  
Girl: Of course, sir!  
  
Bob: I'd like to ask about pizza maintenace and repair..,  
  
Girl: You just eat the pizza, sir, just eat it.  
  
Bob: Can you spank mine?  
  
Girl: That will be 23.99  
  
Bob: Oooh, that sounds complicated. I HATE MATH! SOOO MUCH! DIE MATH DIE!  
  
Girl: The pizzas good, sir.  
  
Bob: HOW MANY DOLPHINS WERE KILLED TO MAKE THAT PIZZA?!  
  
Bob gets teary eyed.  
  
Girl: JUST ORDER SIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Bob: 4342 Lala Lane, OH JUST SUPRISE ME! BYE! Oh, by the way, it's my anniversary so hide behind my coach and suprise my wife with the pizza when she gets home. The key is under the rug. I'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back. Thats as far as this relationships going to get.  
  
Bob: Remember! We NEVER had this conversation.  
  
Bob jerks the mouthpiece back to his mouth and screams: GOODBYE!  
  
::Bob hangs up:: 


End file.
